I'm starting to get questions from people I've never met before, many of whom are asking me the same sorts of questions. This page addressess some of them:

Some Questions About Dating:

Q: Do you like men?
 
A: Yes I do, but I'm very picky about it. Incidentally, if you ask this question, I'm probably NOT going to be attracted to you, because I state this fact on my biography page and you should have read the thing before you even thought about writing to me.

Q: You say on your biography page that you are bisexual. How bisexual are you?

A: This is marginally better, but still the wrong thing to ask. I say that I'm bisexual and I mean it. Asking "how" bisexual I am is like asking a pregnant woman "how pregnant" she is. This question is usually asked by men who are attracted to trans women, but don't want to think of themselves as bisesxual or gay themselves. Sometimes, this question is phrased in such a way as to mean "Are you gay?" This also irks me. I don't believe that everyone is locked into some form of bipopolar sexual preference any more than I believe that gender is rigidly polarized. I'm bisexual: that means that I enjoy sexual activities with both men and women (and trans people, truth be told). Nor am I "bi-curious." I've sampled the goods and I like it...*wink*
 
Q: Are you willing to meet me for a date?

A: Maybe. It all depends. I'm NOT willing to meet someone who I haven't corresponded with for some length of time. I'm NOT willing to meet someone who sends me a picture of his penis, but no other part of his body, no matter how huge it may be.

Q: Are you interested in a long term relationship with a man.

A: Not as such, although the phrase "long term relationship" is loaded with meaning. I'm happy with my current significant other, and any relatiionship I may develop with someone outside of that is secondary. Sorry. However, I am not opposed to dating a man for a long period of time outside that relationship, so long as that man realizes that I'm not interested in being a monogamous little wifey.

Q: Okay, so what do you look for in a man, then?

A: Much better. I look for someone who is kind, polite, romantic, and interested in me as a friend as well as a lover. Sending me roses is better than sending me a nekkid picture. A man who does that for me can be forgiven a LOT of physical shortcomings. A man with a job, a man who is secure in his masculinity, a man who is handsome (although personality is FAR more important than good looks). A man who wants to pamper me like a lady. Oh...be still, my heart...

Some Questions About Crossdressing:

Q: Where do you get your corsets?

A: Most of my corsets are Vollers corsets. I bought these corsets from Skyscraper Heels in Chicago. They are a walk-in store, but they are more than willing to sell you corsetry through the mail. They occasionally set up a booth at gender events as well. I have a couple of custom made corsets, too. One was made by a local seamstress (I don't fit into that corset anymore). There are corset links on my links page. I don't recommend corsetry from Fredrick's of Hollywood, Victoria's Secret, or most local lingerie stores. These are entirely too flimsy for crossdressers (they are too flimsy for many genetic girls, too).

Q: What kind of make-up do you wear?

A: The short answer is MAC. The long answer is, I wear a variety of brands. MAC is pretty much the top of the line for most products--and priced accordingly--but I like Clinique's Dermablend foundations for beard cover, and I'll wear just about anyone's lipstick if the color is right. I generally DON'T use any foundations from Cover Girl, Loreal, Maybeline, etc. These are made for a target demographic of teen-aged girls, and they are insufficient for the uses I put them to. Some of my favorite items are Urban Decay's Eye Primer Potion and Smashbox's cream eyeliners.

Q: Where do you buy shoes?

A: I shop at regular shoe stores. My shoe size is an 10 wide in women's shoes, which is at the very top end of what most shoe stores carry. If you want something more exotic, like towering fuck-me pumps or thigh high boots, you either need to find a specialty store (some adult bookstores carry this sort of thing, but their sizing is very limited), or look on the net. If you shop on the net, make damned sure you know what size you wear. I've had good luck getting shoes on eBay, but I've been lucky.

Q: I'm just starting out. Can you help me get dressed up?

A: Um...well, no. Just no. This question usually has ulterior motives behind it. I don't want to go there. I sympathize with girls who are just starting out, and I'm more than willing to offer help by way of suggestions and information, but there are better resources than ME out there.

Q: Do you go out in public?

A: Yes, I live full-time as a woman. I also attend gender events and social functions, fetish balls, and BDSM parties as a girl.

Q: Do you go shopping while dressed?

A: Before I transitioned, no. Not usually. Not unless I was attending a gender event during which I was presenting myself as female 24/7. But I didn't waffle about who I was buying for, either.

Some Questions About Alternate Lifestyles:

Q: You talk about BDSM on your web page. Are you willing to dominate me?

A: See the question about meeting for dates. It depends. Do NOT offer me money for domination. I won't take it and I probably won't want to meet you if you do.

Q: Are you dominant or submissive?

A: I switch. Depends on what mood I'm in.

Q: Are you looking for a live-in slave?

A: Uh...no.

Q: Do you and your girlfriend have an open relationship?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you and your girlfriend play together with other people?

A: Not usually. Almost never. We tend to keep what we do together private.

Some Questions About Transition:

Q: Where can I buy hormones and what dosage should I take?

A: This is what Google is for. I strongly, strongly advise doing hormone therapy under the direction of a qualified doctor. If you do choose to self-prescribe, you should still get your blood tested to make sure you're not wrecking your liver or thyroid. I won't tell you what dosage to use, either, because I'm not a doctor and everyone reacts differently.

Q: How did you come out to your family?

A: For the most part, I just told my brothers point blank. They were fine with it. It was a total non-event. Your mileage may vary, though. You know the people around you better than I do, so use your best judgement (even if that means not telling them at all). Your family and friends may surprise you. Mine certainly did. Transition doesn't have to suck.

Q: I'm worried about losing my job if I transition. What can I do?

A: This situation isn't as bad as it used to be, but it's still bad. It's estimated that 35% of trans people are unemployed because they are transgender, while 60% make less than $15,000 a year. Worse, the majority of the country offers no protections against discrimination. But there are a couple of ways you can protect yourself: First, find out if your company (or municipality) has an anti-discrimination policy--you might be surprised, especially if you work for a large company or live in a larger city. Second, find allies at your workplace before you transition. Third, write your congress person to get a version of ENDA passed (the Employment Non-Discrimination Act) that is inclusive of gender identity. Fourth, if your workplace ISN'T a safe place to transition, find another job at a safer company before you transition. I wish there were more, and I know that this isn't practical advice for many people, but it's a hard row to hoe. Good luck.